“Sometimes survival isn’t about fighting battles. Sometimes it’s just about getting out of bed.”

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There was a time when I couldn’t.

The weight of depression and anxiety held me down, glued me to my bed. The idea of stepping outside, of facing people, of facing life, felt like an insurmountable mountain. I didn’t live. I merely existed.

But in the middle of all that darkness, I did one thing – one thing my aunt taught me.

I made a list.

The List That Saved Me

I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know how to climb out of the hole I was in. So, I wrote down everything – everything I dreamed of doing. It wasn’t about big goals. It was about anything that made me feel alive again. The dream version of me – the person I wanted to be.

Here’s what I wrote:

• Cities I wanted to visit
• Hobbies I wanted to try – like flower arranging or candle-making
• Skills I wanted to learn, no matter how small
• Books I longed to read, even if they seemed impossible at the time
• Ideas and passions that made my heart beat a little faster
• The big questions – like how our minds work, or how to live more sustainably

I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t have a roadmap. I just had a list.

And that was enough.

When Fiction Became My Lifeline

“Even when the world outside feels too loud, a book can be a doorway to breathe again.”

During my darkest days, I didn’t just jump into the hard work of building a new life. I needed to escape. And so, I buried myself in fiction.

I devoured over 300 books in a year. Fantasy novels, murder mysteries, epic romances. Each book was a world where pain could be healed, where brokenness could be put back together. They gave me a reason to keep going – to turn the page, to finish one more chapter.

And if you’re stuck in that space, where you’re not moving yet, where you’re escaping into books or TV shows instead of facing the world, it’s okay. You don’t have to “build” right now. Just keep reading. Keep dreaming.

Movement, no matter how small, will come.

Setting New Rules for Myself

As I began to heal, I realized something: healing requires both dreams and discipline.

So, I made myself a deal: Read 10 non-fiction books → reward myself with one fiction book.

Fiction brought me joy. But non-fiction gave me the knowledge I needed to rebuild. It’s about balance. It’s about knowing when to dream and when to take action.

Because healing doesn’t happen all at once – it’s a thousand tiny decisions, a thousand small steps.

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Sometimes the smallest actions – making a list, reading a book, getting out of bed – are the most courageous things we can do. If you’re in that dark place right now, know that you don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need to start somewhere. Even if it’s just with a list.